Publicity Abduction
Below is an original work of “flash fiction” by GBF 2013 author Jon Methven. You also can read a Q&A with Jon on our blog.
The twelve members of the book festival committee listened as author J.T. Schneet described his vision of how he would drum up publicity for his presentation at that year’s festival.
“You’re going to kidnap a member of this book festival committee?”
“That’s right,” Schneet said. “Kidnap and hold one of you for ransom.”
“But why?”
“I’m a mystery writer. What better way to market a mystery novel than creating a mysterious kidnapping and ransom to get the attendees buzzing.”
“So it’s pretend?”
“The kidnapping is very real. The ransom is pretend.”
“This kidnapping would occur when? The day of the event?”
“No, as soon as this meeting concludes.”
“But the festival isn’t for another eight weeks.”
“Which one lucky committee member will be spending inside a cabin in an undisclosed location.” Schneet pulled out a series of papers and charts describing how this publicity stunt would increase attendance. “If we can spread the message throughout the northeast, by the day of the festival we should have a 300 percent increase in media coverage compared to last year.”
“I don’t think this is going to work,” a member said.
“Didn’t you say you wanted writers to help promote the festival?”
“We did. But we were thinking by starting a blog, or linking to your Facebook page, not committing a felony.”
“Or by Tweeting about it to your followers,” someone added.
“I was planning to live-Tweet the kidnapping,” Schneet explained.
“How many followers do you have?”
“Twelve. But I suspect the longer the kidnapping goes on, the more followers I’ll get based on the increased media coverage. That’s what happened with the kidnapping in ‘Silence of the Lambs.’”
“That was a movie. It wasn’t even real.”
“This is a book. Same thing, different format.”
It was clear Schneet had thought this thing through. Furthermore, none of the other attendees had put half as much thought into how they would promote their presentations at that year’s festival. The committee members had to admit it was a pretty good idea, so long as they were not the committee member that had to spend eight weeks alone in a cabin with this lunatic.
“What’s the name of your book again?” a committee member asked.
“To be determined.”
“I don’t even see your name on the list of authors presenting.”
“I’m not on the list. And before you ask – no, I haven’t written the book yet. My plan was to do things in reverse – establish a fan base first, then write them a mystery they can sink their teeth into.” He pulled duct tape and a blindfold from his bag and tossed them on the table. “Might as well get started. Let’s make this the most publicized book festival ever, what do you say?”
Jon Methven is a novelist and humorist who lives in New York City. His first novel, “This is Your Captain Speaking,” was published in June 2012, but his work has appeared in Timothy McSweeney’s Internet Tendency, The New York Times, New York magazine, Buzzfeed, The Morning News, n+1 and The Awl.
